Sad reflections and joyous memories.

 On Facebook, I saw references to another disaster, something to do with Judaism, but it was only on Sunday morning, that I heard about the killings on Bondi beach.   There is nothing one can say to make something like this less horrible.  Holidays are set against such tragedies.    Bondi will probably never be completely the same, at least not in my lifetime, my thoughts are with everyone there, but since I travelled in Japan, Thailand, Indonesia, each country and its residents have dealt with some terrible situations.  As a tourist one can get caught up with these tragedies.   And with climate change more tragedies are happening and my travels are contributing in some ways to them,  so I have contributed to these deaths and been lucky to still be here to travel more. I felt very anxious for example in Thailand knowing I was in Tsunami country but did not know where to go or what to do if one came.   We can't escape reality.   Even in Bali, known as a paradise, there was a bombing.  I know lots of things happen to children as they become adults, but when we think how gorgeous most kids are it is hard to credit how adults can be so hideous.  

I was very lucky in Bali, as I got the gorgeous kids.    With my throat in flames and coughing my guts out, I was not sure I would deliver in my promise to work in a school, yet somehow that was the only thing I did manage to do my second week in Bali.  The organisation I went with had worked with other schools before but me and the two young Germans were the first in the school we worked in.  The schools all functioned as regular schools in the morning, but we worked there in the afternoon, to increase their access to English.   Only a relatively small group came on the first day, so all three of us worked in the class with me in the lead.  We also got to do photos with many of the staff.  To my surprise the teachers were a uninform but not the kids.  (they might do at their regular school and on Thursdays the teachers ditched their uniform to wear skirts, which we too were asked to where that day).   After that enough children came for me to have a class and the two Germans, a second group. In some ways they had a more difficult time as their kids were younger, but still had more English than we expected.  I Partly because of my ever diminishing voice, I got to work more with the Balinese support staff, and we made a great team.  Riding back in the car to our base, I was completely buzzing, prepared the next day, ate and then crashed out. By the last day I had virtually no voice at all, I was on steroids, anti biotics and cough medicine, all so I could actually leave the country on schedule but I did it.  And for that I am very proud,  I could not have done it though with out my Balinese support,  a young woman not long out of school.    She was the real star, who helped an old woman have a happy time.  

My departure, almost did not happen.  I tried getting roaming on my phone, but failed, so in the end one night found myself ringing insurance in England at cost price.  They could not hear me properly but basically said get a no fly letter, which was not what I wanted to hear. I actually felt so ill I wanted to hear I could fly back to England if necessary so a no fly letter, would scupper that and mean a very sick woman having to find somewhere to stay till better and everything else collapsing.  But because I was with the organisation, they took me to a lovely woman doctor, working at 8 pm, who I more or less got to speak with straight away,  she could speak good English and did lots of checks, and prescribed the meds and gave me permission to fly onto Singapore  as it was only a short way away.  By the time I flew out, it was hard to tell I had even been ill, which was good as my brother had basically said if you are ill in Singapore, I can't meet up with you.  Given he was one of the main reasons for the journey I was very relieved to arrive at my third destination and to be met by him at the airport.   

Hugs, calm waters and a sore throat.

 Someone gave me a hug today,  someone who has had a much tougher life than me and they took the time to help me,  makes such a difference in life.   And I bumped into someone I like and then also heard from another kind, person, after several weeks of not really getting out, this pre Christmas period re-engaging with colleagues in Herts Welcomes Refugees and the Green Party has been lovely. Virtual signalling, virtue signalling, virtue signalling.  

Bali could also be said to be virtue signalling but really it was more to do with me being selfish, I wanted to have one last go of doing something important, but as much for me as for those who might in the process benefit.  I wanted to spend time in a classroom and to just also be in one place in another country in a way that would mean getting to know the place.  I had tried in Thailand to get volunteer work, but it had failed so in the end I just had a holiday there, but I wanted to try one more time, to do something similar so this time I went through what for me was a better organisation and I just arranged something small,  a week's cultural experience and a week volunteering in a school.   Because it was Indonesia, relatively cheap,  I could afford to choose to stay in a hotel whilst doing the experience, but I also had the backup of the organisation which turned out to be very helpful.  

I was not going there as a tourist so did not need to travel around, but several people told me Bali was not worth visiting now as it had lost its beauty, and for two and a half hours of the taxi journey across the island which was basically solid traffic, I could see why they might be saying that, but then we went up into the mountains, everything was lush and green and then down into Lavina, and found my final location, 3 minutes from the beach.   The organisation I went with is American, and I guessed most of the other volunteers would be native English speakers like me as we were there to teach English speakers from the States and the UK.  Instead I was with a whole bunch of enterprising young  German women.  They were staying in dorms, some arrived the same time as me and we spent the next two weeks together, some had arrived before hand and were already teaching or working on other projects.  They were all always kind and curteous but understandably had more in common with each other, even though they did not know each other until they arrived.   Many hoped to be teachers and were able to get invaluable experience over the many weeks they volunteered there mostly working in the kindergarten or school.   Then for each of the two weeks I was there, there was also an English speaker, one with her daughter from Aus and the other from America and, we had an easier connection but everyone was lovely.  

And then there were the Balinese.   And that was the really great thing, the Balinese, they organised the event and ran the event.   Most of the time a strict young woman was in command, which I thought was brilliant but all our drivers were men.   The first week we were put through our paces learning some Indonesian and lots about cultural values, they also organised cooking classes, making offerings, took us to a temple and wonderful hot spa, and Balinese dancing and gamelan.    I loved the hot spa, but only one of the younger women fancied it, I think everyone thought because it was hot and the weather was hot, then they would be exhausted by it, but it was amazingly refreshing.  The organisation also helped us arrange a boat trip to see the sunrise and dolphins. We all loved swimming with dolphins, I choose not to actually swim with them, I was just in the boat, and it was not completely swimming with them, but one could be in the water at the same time as them. One of the women was almost a professional swimmer, she was amazing, but of course not as amazing as the pods of dolphins around us.  I think we all were surprised by how many boats there were out at sea, because the actual location was very quiet with very few tourists, and as far as we could tell the dolphins were not panicked by our presence, but it was not quite what we had anticipated.  So a lesson for all of us.  However, what an amazingly beautiful thing to do.  We were also treated very seriously by the dancers and musicians in the special school we attended.  So that was a special experience for all of us and what was nice was being all in it together.  

In between activities, we could swim, eat the three meals provided, rest, read go down to the beach or in my case along to the hotel just down the beach for a coffee und kuchen.   I loved just looking at the water it was so calm.   Perfect.      So almost everything one wanted, except  by Thursday I was champing at the bit to get a bit more involved and to find out about the teaching, but also concerned in case it was too much for me.    And by the third day, possibly because of the snorkeling, I had a very sore throat and people were beginning to automatically bring me ginger tea when they heard my cough.  Everyone knows about Balinese belly, but by the weekend, it was clear I was ill, with Balinese cough.  I cancelled my planned visit to a coffee farm in the mountains and tried to focus on being well for the Monday and the teaching, but really struggled alone in my room at night, awake and unable to rest. Being ill is never nice, but being ill and feeling alone away from home is definitely worse.  

Sydney shines, life grinds.

 Sometimes one feels just so sad, one doesn't know how to cope.  Today I have picked up a paint brush to paint a wall, but have had to stop just to feel.  There's no one I can talk to about it, as the person involved can't be castigated, I itch to put something on the Facebook comment that they alone started something, and they alone are impacted by their chooses,  as that simply isnt true, but really there is nothing that one can do when things hurt so much other than to go through it and know at some point the hurt will mostly lie fallow as one gets back on the horse, to mix my metaphors.  Coming so soon after other hurts to the most important person in my life, it feels too much.  But really I have to remember I am just a bystander really, even though I am impacted and I need to try and get over my own hurt to support others, and maybe one day even understand what has happened. 

Prior to travelling to Australia my main feeling was disgust, the flags flying around in my area, just confirmed how racist a country we are.  I just wanted out, to get away.  Australia's own history of racism is appalling but of course it is mostly our racism trasported elsewhere.  Back in Sydney though, with the sun shinning and people from all over the world basking in pleasure, it is easy to forget how tough the start was for Europeans and how damaging it was to the existing residents. So on my final day in Sydney I was amazed and grateful to discover what I thought was the open market below the Sydney Harbour Youth Hostel turned out to be a free event hosted by the local museum.  Music, cooking, free access to old buildings were all part of the event, listerally on the door step.  Then I found the Rocks Discovery museum that reflected the life of the tribes who had formerly lived in the Rocks area and how their world was submergered below layers from other cultures as people from all over the world moved in.    I also puttered over to the Royal Opera house again and this time saw their light show dedicated to the tribes and animals of the harbour area.  As a tourist it was both sombre and illuminating and the perfect way to round up my visit to Australia.   

In Sydney I knew virtually no one, though one of my sister's friends, who now lives there, kindly had brunch with me one morning. Also the other residents in the Youth Hostel kept themselves to themselves, which is somewhat unusual especially when we  even did yoga together overlooking the harbour, but the hostel itself, the location was so good,  I would recommend it to anyone.   The building has an open atrium, from the top floor, you step out to an amazing view, and underneath there is an archeological site.  In Sydney I happily sat alone on Manly beach or in the park just taking it all in.   I enjoyed it all.   However, in Bali I knew would be very different,  as I would be with an organisation and others, though I did not realise how different it would be till I got there. 

Feeling Blue, But loving Blue

The light is going out and I wish I could say more but I am having to hold my tongue.  I would love to find a way to say what I feel, which is both angry and sad, but that might make things worse.  However, there is like this permanent tension at present, but not to do with my life, but with the life of others.  In myself I am both happy and light much of the time, but the rest of the time I am still just ill and unable to do anything. It is hard to credit that this is the same women who got on the train and headed to the Blue Mountains just outside of Sydney.  And once again it is a trip I have to thank Michael Portillo for because probably without him I would not have realised a) how close the mountains are to Sydney and b) how accessible they are and c) how even though they are over an hour away from the centre of Sydney and Sydney is a very clean town, every inch of fence and house en route is graffitied, which looks great in most places, very urban, but less attractive when majestic mountains and a blue haze, caused by the gum trees,  is on the horizon. 

I stayed away from the edges, but loved the views. 

Another experience I passed on. 

My rationale for the trip was relatively simple, on TV the Blue Mountains always looked enticing, but they were also cheaper to stay in than Sydney and I felt they would give me a sense of what small town Australia was like.  I was lucky prior to going there I met a woman in Manchester who had lived in Wentworth, almostthe next town down from where I was staying and she knew Katoomba, and could recommend several good eateries in town.  Without her input, I might never have tried Kangeroo Pizza at the Station,  (the pizza I can recommend, but Kangeroo is really not to my taste but I thought was better than crocodile) I definitely would not have had the courage to walk into the wonderful Carrington hotel for lunch.  Nor would I have gone in search of the oddly named Parisien cafe (given the location) run by a Japanese woman who she had befriended.   They all added to the pleasure of this one road town on the border of stunning countryside. 

               

Wonderful cider at the Station Bar. 

I also had a bit of luck as when I popped into the hop on, hop off bus which I had booked for just one day, they said I could use it for all three days of my visit.   For me this was perfect, as I managed to get lost on my own and this enabled me to visit key sites, go up and down dale, and yet grab a coffee and make it manageable.   The views are wonderful and it is great just being in the bush, but surprisingly little wildlife visible, except the cockatoos.  If it was not for the original residents most of the walkways would not exist,  so one is walking over ancient and sometimes sacred spaces, which is not always good, but the area was  also once a mining town and now is just a really pretty tourist area with lots of lovely flowers whilst also in parts being a little run down and the kind of place lost souls gravitate towards.    Some come to really hike miles, for example one of the other residents of the youth hostel had worked for the education section for Joe Biden and had just caught a plane out of the country on election day she is still awol all these months later and just walks and walks, others, many from Asia,  were bused in and out in one day with just time for a coffee overlooking the valley.  Whereas I got to potter, and find stones that resonated and gravestones honouring the dead from both sides in WW1.   I could have happily stayed there perched on the edge of Sydney, and would have loved it if I could have afforded one of the houses,  but the big city was calling me back.   

Another bar, this time at the Carrington Hotel, actually the Youth Hostel was pretty swish, but I would have loved to have stayed at this place. 

Reminders of the pain of WW1 

Beautiful Bondi, Sunny Sydney day 2.

 It is not often one gets on what one thinks is a bus to paradise, only to find one has been thrown under the bus, but that is how things feel like at present.   Mind you not just me under there.  Whereas when I was on the crowded bus to Bondi and first came round the bend and saw the sweep of the bay, the blue sea, even the buildings, several of us travellers, including me,  exclaimed.  Here it was a lovely spring day and we could head for a busy and bustling iconic and exciting beach,  but tempted though I was I stayed on till the end of the line, for I had read, if I walked up the road a bit and then looked over the sea, I just might see something special. 

At first I thought I must be in the wrong place, a scrabby fence, that did not look safe and a wall, I was capable of falling over, seemed the only thing separating me from the rocks below but the first Australian passing by assured me she had just seen one and that she sees them regularly when walking the dog. So I hovered and looked and looked, when another Aussie, shouted there's one, I moved next to him and then I saw a different one, the smooth curve of a back and the plume of spray as the whale graced back into the water.  And then I suddenly spotted one further out jumping up, another whale beside it.   I almost jumped over the wall with excitement, yet for the next hour, until I gave up and joined the others on the beach, only a little sign of breath out to sea, told me there must be more whales passing by.  However, I was over the moon.  It has taken the whole of my life, but I have seen whales in their natural habitat and I did not have to pay for a boat to miss them.   After that I was content to mostly just sit and enjoy watching everyone else brave the fierce undertow in the water, which explains the huge Baywatch type life guard presence.  But having almost drowned in similar seas in France as a teenager, I was content just to paddle.  But I have been to Bondi beach and I have seen whales, that is worth remembering on a very depressing and wet and sad day in the UK. 

My first picture is how almost everyone imagines Sydney, my second reminds me there is another side to the town.  I had to go back to the train station on route to Bondi, before changing onto the bus, and there to my surprise lots of trains buffs, were getting on "old" trains and the brass band was playing.  Who knew.  

Sunny Sydney day 1

 Lots of things going on back here in the UK, sources of sorrows, so I am trying to reflect on how wonderful my trip was and Sydney really was wonderful. 

It started the moment I got on the train.  Miles and miles of wonderful landscapes and the occasional fortunate view of a speeding Kanger, or a stock still Wallaby, plus a suprisingly good hot meal all at a reasonable price.  The only problem was the lack of internet, so whilst I had checked getting to the Youth Hostel on arrival, I was lost the minute I walked out the wrong door.  I knew the hostel was more or less over the road, but which road.  It took an hour to find something that was only five minutes from the station. I was still staggered that a modern train service and station neither had wifi or a map even to help travellers.   

Astonishing fields of rape seed I guess, often with lone trees poking through.  No where for Wallabies to hide, but towards dusk, in the small pockets of woodland, I did see them. 

So at first Sydney really annoyed me, a real wobble but then I remembered I had booked a special Aboriginal experiences tour at the Botanic Gardens.  It was not till midday,  it was really sunny and warm, so that gave me the chance to slowly wend my way down through parks basking in the heat, stopping to read my book in a park, dipping into museums till got to the gardens, where I went all Aussie and ordered a pie with my coffee.  On my way through the Gardens I had spotted a white guy doing a talk, and to my eternal shame and had thought on no I hope he is not doing  our talk as I wanted an authentic Aboriginal tour, but of course what he taught me, and I should have known it, is that because of their very complex history, people of aboriginal decent come will also often have a lot of white heritage too, in this case I think it was mostly Irish, but the guy and I apologise I have forgotten his name, absolutely knew both his native plants and the history of his people and he responded so well to our small group, four well informed white Australians, and two Europeans, that he spent and hour and a half with us rather than the hour we had paid for.  He even showed us how Bomerangs really work and possum pelts, all sorts of things which were not officially on the tour. 

The art gallery reflecting the juxtaposition of cultures, the convict artist for example made a good living for example painting the new middle classes, whilst aboriginal creations were at that point almost universally misunderstood. 

I wish I could have recorded everything he told us both of the history and the plants, he was astonishing.  Every part of a plant was known and is known by the First nation people.  For example there is a spike on one of the plants, which is perfect for spearing small fish, or there are plants which are deadlly if harvested in the day, but not at night or something like that.   The Botanic Gardens which are lovely were instituted almost immediately the white people landed and they wanted international, especially European plants, so the indigenous plants in situ are not the bulk of the plants found there, ironically though if the Europeans had left well alone and learned from the people they were trampling all over and killing, they would have discovered how well they could survive in this new land, instead of which when farming failed they sent word all the way to the UK for food.  It is probably a shame that food arrived as of course the Europeans almost wiped out First Nation culture.  We are in a climate emergency,  if more countries had followed indigenous practices we would not be in this situation.    There is still time to benefit from their knowledge, but we are already in a crisis, not helped by people like me flying, however, it was a privilege to mentally go back in time on this tour and understand more about what has been lost.  To that effect I would also recommend the novel Edenglassie, but Hungarian, Abororiginal writer, Melissa Lucashenko which I read whilst in Australia, and the factual book, Sand Talk.  

Plant with the spear spike

It is hard to return to the 21st century after such a talk, but I wondered on through the Botanic Gardens and was confronted full on by modern day Sydney, the opera house, the hordes drinking and enjoying life in the harbour, the huge range of tourists.  It was beautiful exciting, but....However, I virtually wiped this out of my mind the following day as I joined more of the hordes on Bondi beach.  

Sydney enjoys the spring afternoon 

A unique individual tour of Melbourne

 Ordinarily by now,  even though it is often a slow process, I like to think that I would have written more about the holiday especially one so momentous as 7 at 70 but truth is the price paid seems to have been unusually high as I am still ill.    Part of me wonders if it is a refusal to come down to come back to my reality. Being away was so nice, so unique, even when I wanted to run away.

I  remember years ago when in Canada, meeting someone who had travelled for months, and whilst I could see it was tempting decided it wasn't for me,  it seemed to speak of a type of existence too separated for me, yet I cannot seem to go more than a few weeks, especially now without jumping up and going somewhere.   Though my belief that the holiday was my last hurrah, in some shape or form, may turn out to be more accurate than I would wish as at the moment even walking up the road is an effort. 

Anyway I had originally hoped to sort of just float whilst away, but I was required to get all the paperwork up front, so it was fixed, but really I had only certain points fixed in my counsciousness.  When we organise travel it is based on a fantasy, all, sometimes the fantasy is realised sometimes it is not.  Often it is exceeded enormously, which is lovely.   My individual trip around Melbourne was like that.  

Prior to going to Boston, my friend C, had said you could get out to Concorde, but unfortunately my friend is too busy that week to see you.  Concorde turned out to be a great place to visit and I totally understood her friend might not be free, but remembering that C also had friends in Australia I had enquired if she knew anyone there who might be happy to meet up.  She did not disappoint.  Not only did she have a friend, but this friend was a well known sculpture Michael Meszaros, and he agreed to show me around Melbourne, and discuss his working process.  

It might have been daunting being with him if I had not so many questions for him and it was brilliant to see both how effective or not his works were (there was only one that slightly disappointed and that was only because in my mind's eye I had imagined something larger and more distinctive) the process by which he produced them and the context which informed his choices. There were lots of parallels to the process the media students went through.  Sometimes the brief was fairly limited e.g. something here that would help set off the building, which turned into three wonderful huge birds, other times it was very specific e.g. in the Botanic Gardens, and other times it opened up space for great creativity and emotion e.g. around the women's hospital.  

Michael kindly drove me around to each sculpture, we even managed a half hour dash around the Botanic Gardens whilst seeing his work there, which was great as I had run out of energy to see if the day before, and in each location he shared the story of the work.  Just outside the women's hospital we met another artist admiring his work.  Then if that was not enough he drove me out into the suburbs, past all these wonderful Melbourne houses with their metalwork, to his charming house and studio. Normally I pay to visit such places and here I was invited to a brilliant lunch instead and all someone I did not even know.  Sometimes the kindness of strangers is just overwhelming.     Michael also designs medals and I know in future I will appreciate them much more having seen his collection of designs.  So a huge thank you to him and his wife.  

....................................

So most of my time I saw Melbourne through the lens of friends and family,  there was only one thing I wanted to do for myself there (toher than the penguins) and that was to see the Museum of Moving Images. I grew up on Australian cinema and in my head I imagined the gallery would reflect that history.  It did but only to a certain extent, it actually covered much more but that meant specific favourite movies only got a brief mention.  So I will mention Picnic at Hanging Rock, (still haunts me)  Walkabout (an introduction to indigenous Australia), My Brilliant Career (read the book too) , Braker Morant (which I saw in New York)  Gallipoli, Mad Max and the Getting of Wisdom which is probably where I fell in love with Melbourne's architecture,  of the type seen on the way to Michael's.   The museum is part of a modern complex, on the other side of the road to Flinders Station, the traditional heart of Melbourne  The square it forms one side of now seems to be the modern heart of Melbourne.  There I found a sort of exercise class going on and just joined in, and narrowly avoided being on the news and the front page of the newspaper as it turned out to be the start of the fringe festival.   I spent so much time dancing, I ran out of energy to get to the Botanic Gardens.  

That was also partly meanness as Melbourne has a whole chunk of town which is free to travel to, so one could just hop on and off the trams, but the botanic gardens would involve a cost to get to it.  I thought I could walk on paper it was not that far away, but I was wrong.  Most of the time I just went up and down from Flinders to the Youth Hostel, but on my last free afternoon I travelled the whole tram route. It takes an hour, has lots of history and meant that I glimpsed lots of places I had otherwise missed.   Melbourne is a great city and I did not do it justice, but I had a wonderful time there.