Not yet out on my ear.

 I am so anxious, I have written yet again to my employers to know what is going on. Everyone else has already had all their classes, cut some have even handed back their equipment but I am still getting students. Which should be wonderful but I feel too depleted to want to do it.  I have struggled for over 11 years doing this as I always struggle with work, I feel anxious before every class, I do not want to do it.  I always worry I won't have the magic, the thing that makes the class work and most of the time, once in class it is wonderful.  I have met some amazing people. For example at present I have a lovely student in Mexico from whom I am learning a lot about the history of the country.  During the pandemic, I tracked the condition around the world. I had been planning to give up work before then, but once we were locked indoors it seemed to make sense to just keep on working. I am pleased I have as really these students have been a lifeblood, tuning into what is happening around the world. At present we suddenly have a flurry of students from India, all with excellent English it is ridiculous that they are in class, but worldwide a lot of students and a lot of Brits struggle with that accent, though today, other accents in class could be considered as challenging, but that is the joy of the job. Meeting people for example who have probably travelled to another country for work, as a student or refugee, and then having mastered that language are now adding English to their skills e.g. the Swedish nurse formerly from Somalia who attended today.  From my room, I talk to the world that has been a privilege so you would think I would want to make the most of the fact that the company is for some reason still giving me work before my avatar takes over, but no I just want to join my fellow workers, who I have now had a massive amount of contact with via What's app and be out on my ear. 

My week will still be full once work ends, Monday yoga, Tuesday free, Wednesday art or the garden, Thursday volunteering, Friday volunteering, Saturday garden or I might even see R at last.  His brother died at the beginning of the year and so he too has been going through a very stressful time.    I helped in the garden last Saturday and knocked myself out.  Very tired at present,  I think it is that is happening.