Gutted

Cat gut your tongue
       Gut your eyes
               Gut your fleas.
Catastrophies
    Lion Hunter Down
I picked you up so tenderly
As if that would stop your
Head flopping, limp body
Implode the guilty silence.






The night we ran over the cat,  the car was not travelling fast,  we saw it clear by the side of the road, away from harm,  turn away from us, and then horrifyingly turn again and launch itself in front of our killing machine.    For over a year the poem has gestated waiting to come out.  Yet most of the time and especially when I am stressed I blunder in and blunder in. If I am very critical of other people's mistakes (which I am - when they have consequences) I absolutely hate my own, yet sadly make many. For example every year I do my taxes, every year I record the details and then every following year I can find all the paper work for years gone by but never the previous years information even though all this information is kept in one place.  The Bermuda  Triangle seems to exist in my living room, and in my brain, but this current error seems so gutting - I just do not know how one can be so incompetent.

I complained, queried, emailed back and forth to Companies House when I was first defrauded.  Each time I recorded that they did not handle fraud even though they have a fraud department.     Recently I was following up on my situation with them and registered that they had given me a place where I could ask for the case to be investigated so immediately asked why on earth they had not given me this information before.     Their records are good back they came with the emails in which they had sent me the information.  I still have all but one of those emails and I can confirm there it is in black and white and yet somehow I did not see or understand I only understood that Companies House has a fraud department that does not investigate fraud.    True I was very very very stressed at the time, true I found communicating with Companies House just the reams of information in their emails confusing,  true the one moment when I seemed to have clicked as to what they were saying I could not find the organisation or the address they had previously sent me.  There does seem to be one email missing and I noted that at the time,  but that does not explain how one can be given the information one is seeking and yet still not see it.    I know I blunder on and do things too quickly sometimes, and it is interesting how sometimes mid rant one can connect to a bit of information and then somehow lose it again, but why why do we or should that just be I make these really stupid errors, errors which stop me resolving the very things that I am in touch about.    Now the catchily named Insolvency Service who turn out to be the people I should have contacted about the potential fraud may not investigate the case as I have closed the company.   I may not be a dead cat, but I may be dead in the water.... totally gutted.