Regrets

My Grandma sort of went mad. I sometimes wonder if it is because of the regrets she had over the decisions she had made during her lifetime.    Anyone who reads this blog - i.e. me - will realise one of the stupidest things I did was get together with Bex Banjo - if I have pursued him for the money he owes me perhaps it is because I am kicking myself for my stupidity. I was on target to buying a place in Portugal and being able to live nearer my son, I did not have to be distracted by his plans - the challenges he set me were things I had dreamt about e.g. an interesting job - a very interesting job, and trying to buy a property through auctions - but I had just about got to the point in my life where the last thing I needed or wanted was an interesting job.  I did not even really need property in the UK if I was going to Portugal, but I could see that the beauty of the job being offered was that I could do it anywhere and that having a small property in which to keep things in the UK might be useful.  So it was easy for him to talk me into making a deal with him - because I in effect rationalised myself into doing something that I had not planned on doing and I have regretted it so much since. I am lucky I did not hand my notice in, which might have been really serious in terms of the situation at HRC at the time, I did not give him any of my savings, I gave him new money that I never expected to have - but I totally messed up buying in Portugal as that sale was immediately put on holdand then never went through. If I had not been stupid enough to listen to Bex Banjo I might have been living in Portugal for the last few years. Probably would have drive my son up the wall but .......  so many things might have been differnt. So perhaps that is why I have pursued "justice" as a way of dealing with some of the demons about myself since he came into my life. 

Sadly the CPS has yet again said that they will not prosecute him.  For reasons I do not understand they do not seem to have the evidence that they should have - they do not seem to know for example that he gave me a false addres or that I have asked him and various family members for his address so that I can prosecute him myself through the civil courts, but he refuses and when I try to talk to his family he threatens me with libel - but the CPS just say I should prosecute him myself. I feel like I have come to the end of what I can do as I have no control over what evidence is submitted to them by the police.  But whatever happens, I will never have that house in Portugal back or those years with my son.