Sydney shines, life grinds.

 Sometimes one feels just so sad, one doesn't know how to cope.  Today I have picked up a paint brush to paint a wall, but have had to stop just to feel.  There's no one I can talk to about it, as the person involved can't be castigated, I itch to put something on the Facebook comment that they alone started something, and they alone are impacted by their chooses,  as that simply isnt true, but really there is nothing that one can do when things hurt so much other than to go through it and know at some point the hurt will mostly lie fallow as one gets back on the horse, to mix my metaphors.  Coming so soon after other hurts to the most important person in my life, it feels too much.  But really I have to remember I am just a bystander really, even though I am impacted and I need to try and get over my own hurt to support others, and maybe one day even understand what has happened. 

Prior to travelling to Australia my main feeling was disgust, the flags flying around in my area, just confirmed how racist a country we are.  I just wanted out, to get away.  Australia's own history of racism is appalling but of course it is mostly our racism trasported elsewhere.  Back in Sydney though, with the sun shinning and people from all over the world basking in pleasure, it is easy to forget how tough the start was for Europeans and how damaging it was to the existing residents. So on my final day in Sydney I was amazed and grateful to discover what I thought was the open market below the Sydney Harbour Youth Hostel turned out to be a free event hosted by the local museum.  Music, cooking, free access to old buildings were all part of the event, listerally on the door step.  Then I found the Rocks Discovery museum that reflected the life of the tribes who had formerly lived in the Rocks area and how their world was submergered below layers from other cultures as people from all over the world moved in.    I also puttered over to the Royal Opera house again and this time saw their light show dedicated to the tribes and animals of the harbour area.  As a tourist it was both sombre and illuminating and the perfect way to round up my visit to Australia.   

In Sydney I knew virtually no one, though one of my sister's friends, who now lives there, kindly had brunch with me one morning. Also the other residents in the Youth Hostel kept themselves to themselves, which is somewhat unusual especially when we  even did yoga together overlooking the harbour, but the hostel itself, the location was so good,  I would recommend it to anyone.   The building has an open atrium, from the top floor, you step out to an amazing view, and underneath there is an archeological site.  In Sydney I happily sat alone on Manly beach or in the park just taking it all in.   I enjoyed it all.   However, in Bali I knew would be very different,  as I would be with an organisation and others, though I did not realise how different it would be till I got there.