Shocks from the present and the past.

 I had a lovely couple of days with friends in Suffolk this week.  I have known this person now much longer than I realised but spending proper time together, bought unexpected revelations.  We both shared examples of having unwanted sexual touching/ attention.   Her from a doctory,  ghastly.    But then we also sat and watched some of the inaugeration of the first ever female Archbishop of Canterbury, which was moving and powerful and life affirming.   Although we hear some African churches might leave the Anglican Church now as a result, it was good to see female bishops from Kenya for example at the service. Apparently they had female bishops before we did.  

Bury St. Edmunds

I mentioned in passing on my school What's app about watching it and somehow Sarah Mullally's comment safeguarding resulted in a most painful but open revelation about how many of school mates had been abused by neighbours and uncles when they reached the age of 10 and none of them had told anyone.   Sad and very sobering.  most of these women I have not seen since we were at school.  I  now know them better then I did back then.  Luckily a tea at our old school has been arranged, so it will be lovely to meet them again. 

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Good news and bad news.  I was wrong to be so despondent about some of the things in the allotment, I have a no dig bed sanctioned at last.   but the leading light of the Harmony Gardens, only just reopened, has announced they are leaving.  Not sure what any of this means.  I have found a third garden, but ....

And somehow despite pouring over my taxes and I thought having paid all taxes owing, have had a fine, for something but none of the paper work adds up so heaven knows what it is for.   Also as have lost my bank card, I cannot even check this information online.  And as bad things now go in fours,  the new computer upstairs in the study seems to have died, sort of.   So thousands owing and all the lovely cheap and inspiring things I do, seem to be going pear shaped!. 

War.

I am working with a nice couple from Iran,  they left before war started, and must be desparate to know more about what is happening back home, but instead they focus on their English.  Any minute now they could be chucked out of the hotel that has been their home and as the local hotel which was full with lovely children and their parents is due to be closed. I spend hours challenging the online haters.  They make me very depressed. 

But so called friends often make us even more depressed.  My santuary the allotment has again been taken away.  When the good guys are bad, where does that leave one,  when the bad guys are bad it is easy to know the battle one is fighting but when the good guys cannot see h ow off course they are then what.  So whilst I am very grateful to both the Green Party and the allotment, it is amazing how much pain they have also caused. 

Today, despite feeling rough I was determined to get to an exhibition recommended to me at the Imperial War Musuem. It is years since I have been there, but my recent visits to Malaysia and Cyrprus, made some of the content vital and with my family connections to Kenya personal.   Britain was both the oppressor, the bad guy and in some instances the good guys, because many Malays, Cypriots, and Kenyans fought along side their colonial masters during WW2, but after the war, Britain did not want to extend freedome to the colonies, so former allies fought.  Britain is still paying out compensation for the torture done in Kenya and Cyprus.  We never were and are not an honourable people.  

What would Freud make of it all!.

 A friend said to me recently, oh but you could have had a much better job if you had wanted. I was a bit thrown. I have known this person over 30 years but they still do not seem to understand that for the last 20 years of my working life, I was only able to work part time, for health reasons, and re work I was mostly totally buggered working at the college because of their bullying and illegal practices.  I also thought being a full time teacher was pretty good and it would have been had things not gone pear shaped work wise.    That apart it has been a brilliant week because despite feeling knackered today, I have been well enough this week to meet up with three friends in one week - lunch, concert and a play,  and how lucky to have three friends with whom to meet up.   That feels special too.  Retirement is lovely, but tinged with sadness over what is to come.   20 years ago there was time for reinvention,  but it did not happen,  10 years ago I started travelling to all the places I never got to when working full time, but anything else I might of wanted to do it seemed too late. Last year though I finally did some acting and singing and this year more dancing, I always said however I would need to live to over 200 to see everything and do everything I wanted to, yet most of the time I just do more of the same and none in any great depth, so not the most creative life, but more creative than some. 

Reminded me very much of his home that I visited in Vienna.

But of course we do everything with a back drop of real things going on and this week, it feel closer to the start of WW3 than at any other time in my life. There have always been dreadful things, wars that scare ones, murders that panic one, MPs that make one despair, and every year it does seem to get worse. Trump type 1 was a nightmare, now he seems crazier than ever, invading bombing and yet whilst leading a peace group!  Everything was always mad, but it is constantly getting madder.  So there's a lot to be said for getting ready to vacate this place, but of course most of us never want to go.  Wonder what Freud would make ot it all. 

Freud's London home.