A little one for Boris and a big one for Tom

Boris surprised the world again by announcing the birth of a baby boy yesterday, much earlier than expected. And whilst his antics do not normally bother me, I could not help feeling wow that is an emotional roller coaster if ever. Him with the virus and in hospital, then in isolation. Her at home also I think with the virus and now just when Boris reappears on the scene he is called upon to be a dad again.

And did Rees Mogg let the cat out of the bag by welcoming him to the father of six children club.   Or am I just behind the times and everyone knew that.


Meanwhile today is Capitain Tom, now Colonel Tom's 100th birthday.   The man who single-handedly has boosted the morale of the nation and helped raise over 30 millioin for NHS charities. I have tried to give but the page is down, however, several friends are now doing fundraisers and family elsewhere are in need of help so I have taken the plunge and go a new tenant. Not quite sure how it will work in lock-down and whether it will be better or worse for my health.

Today my spirits were low as we have heard there seems to be no let up in the virus.  I think an underlying anxiety that I always feel is, despite being mostly content,  rumbling away.  It makes me think though until the war really most societies lived with this knowledge that death could come unexpectedly and in many societies e.g. in Africa where deaths from malaria outstrip anything that the virus delivers and despite that people got on their lives are still like that  Does it mean they were/are tougher or more sanguine. I would have just wanted to hide under the blankets and having to resist that urge today!.  

A bit more positive.

I am still reeling from the harsh response of the volunteer organisation I tried working for.   It has really damaged my confidence.    Having worked quite a lot with volunteers, their response was totally inappropriate and uncalled for, but if I try and challenge them or try and find away to make amends with them and move forward, there is no guarantee things would improve, so frustrating and painful though it is, I probably have to leave it with my reputation shattered.  I know that some of their conduct is inappropriate, but hope that it was a one off and that the rest of the time they are better than that.

There is a really lovely children's book called, "When a monster calls".  its message is that all humans, even in the good ones there is a bad element and similarly even baddies are capable of good, i.e. humans are complex.    I think that this would have been a useful lesson for me to learn at a young age, instead of always wanting and expecting people to be perfect.

However, I have had a more positive response from my local MP. A few days ago I wrote to him as follows:

ou have been kind enough to help when I have raised some issues with you on a personal level. Today though I want to raise three areas of concern with regard to the handling of the Coronavirus in the UK. 

1.)  Various drugs are being tested, but I have heard nothing to suggest that high doses of Vitamin C are being trialled correctly to see if they might be a way forward in supporting patients suffering from the virus.  They have been used in China and America, reportedly with some success,  but the research findings are not out yet.    If there is any chance that this is an effective treatment or support mechanism then it is vital that the UK also consider and research its use. 

2.) There is plenty of evidence now emerging that environmental factors are contributing substantially to the death rates in various key pockets for example if people live in highly polluted areas or if they are overweight.    These are factors that could and should have been addressed long before the pandemic which has been long expected arrived.     And while I understand why countries have been in lockdown because of the virus,  this number of people die every winter because of the pollution in our skies. Every day ordinarily we take our lives into our hands just by breathing, or eating.    No one shut down the economy, on the contrary people have been forced to work on to live on despite the crap in or food and in our air.  So why now are we being made fearful and is the economy in meltdown to deal with this new crisis.    There are aspects of this that make  no sense what so ever.  When the economy picks up there is a real danger that it will be business as usual, that the pollutants will rush into the air ever more than ever.  This must not be allowed to happen. It is incumbent on those in power that they address these crucial issues, but that we the public lead actively healthy lives too. 

3) More controversially perhaps - I urge the Government to extend the period for the negotiations taking place over Brexit.  On a personal level I feel that this Government has an agenda, it just wants us out whatsoever, and actually now you can use Coronavirus as an excuse for the wrecked economy rather than the decision to take us out of Europe.    Europe is deeply divided it is deeply flawed, we are out,  rightly or wrongly but please do extend the discussion time so that the transition is a smooth one as right now the country needs a steady way forward not more problems. 

I did not really expect an answer because I thought he would be snowed under, even though he is usually good at responding,  but I was wrong, back by post came this response: 

You make some excellent points and no stone should be left unturned in looking for treatments but also in helping our immune systems etc..... 

So an encouraging response. 

Like a dog with a bone!

 And all because I had the temerity to point out that it was very confusing that having signed up some weeks ago to phone people, they kept asking for volunteers to do that, but then do not allocate people to do that!.  

Helen, you clearly want an argument. We responded and you have carried on like a dog with a bone and now frankly you're being patronising and passive-aggressive - One doesn't expect that from anybody. We are not under obligation to give jobs to anyone and frankly your attitude in these incessant messages has made me wary of you speaking to anyone in a vulnerable position. As .......... said previously thank you for supporting us up until now but I will be blocking you from sending any further messages to this page and removing you from the local group so you can take your "fury" elsewhere. I do hope you keep safe and well

The End Time?

Wearing my mask I wonder if this is a bit like wearing a niqab,  for those willing it can be a positive as eyes meet eyes and smile, but other people move away as if I am unclean.

I begin to wonder if I am living in some end time. A nice end time, but an end time all the same. And I wonder if this is how it is in regimes that ghastly one just has to enjoy what one can when one can.  Despite the ghastliness.

Here in the UK, the Government is not as hideous, and at this time we are all being urged to work together, but then people throw their masks on the floor,   or fail to social distance when working as volunteers to support others,   so here we are very muddled about risk and for every expert saying one thing, e.g. wear a mask, another says don't. 

Meanwhile the news about the virus gets more and more serious.  There is the suggestion that actually getting the virus mildly may mean you are not immune should it come back,  and that therefore the tests bought in to test for antibodies and which are supposed to enable us to get back to work are useless.

And still no one has taken up the cry to push for Vitamin C treatments. I have no idea if they would work but if they are not being trialled in UK does that mean there is an agenda. They are being trialled in the states and China though.   In China they do insist on the use of masks so I have decided to start making them for family.      I have now been a volunteer for 17 hours but not one request for help has come in, yet we are constantly told that people are at home and anxious.

Meanwhile an almost 100 old man called Captain Tom has both raised our spirits and a lot of money for the NHS (21 million so far) and inspired a whole range of 90 years to celebrate their longevity by doing fundraising activities.    So perhaps it is not the end time after all. 

Bloom , Zoom, Doom, and Boon.

It was Easter last weekend.  and "celebrating it alone" was clear evidence that things were different this year, so a family zoom meeting seemed ideal. The whole idea of zoom meetings is new, but when one has close family in Wales, the north of England, and Portugal it is very hard to get us all together, so it really raised my spirits having the get together to look forward to and really made Easter Sunday special, but then it seemed more lonely in some ways getting back to work today and yesterday and realising the crisis is still on.   However, more get togethers are planned. And I get a text every day from family abroad with prayers for the day. 

And lots of things keep me going - my online singing sessions,  the books I nabbed from the Wormley and Turnford Big Local knowing the lockdown was coming;  my work of course,  teaching people all over the world online,  live streaming by some of the major theatres  and the community allotment.  We are having to be a bit more careful about going up there, so that we can keep a distance but today I walked up there glorying in the sunshine and the blossom and sorted out more pots so that I can plant out more herbs and watered the rhubarb.   

Lockdown reading.

I have also in theory joined both the NHS and Covid-19 Hoddesdon Mutual Aid groups.  With the NHS I had to download app and put it on when I am on duty. I have offered to phone people in need of a chat, but I am not fully sure the system is working as it does not seem to show the hours I have been on duty and no requests have come through for a volunteer to ring anyone. Much more active seems to be the Covid- 19 Facebook group.  Every day they ask for someone to collect and deliver prescriptions and volunteers immediately respond. Again there have been no requests for Chat support, which is what I have signed up for, but it is very encouraging to see community support in action and I am sure my time will come. 

The virus comes closer

I have treated myself to a Good Friday special meal.  Normally I would be with family but today I am alone and yet again not feeling that well but more worryingly - one of my sister's clients (she is a carer, one of her three jobs) has tested positive for the virus.   So the question is does my sister have it too? 

To market, to market, to buy a fat pig. Home again, home again, take a good swig of coconut oil!

Amazon has tried to deliver my order of seeds, but the postie just dropped a card off. To my surprise in these lock-down days, it said I could pick it up as normal, so yesterday I popped up to my nearest proper town only to find the sorting office was in fact operating with new hours and was not open at all on Wednesdays.   I took one look at the huge queue outside of Sainsbury's and decided that was definitely not feasible. I had visions of fainting with the wait, but to my surprise and delight the street market was on and they were selling fresh vegetables.    And down the road in Broxbourne, my nearest but much smaller Sainsbury's had no queue. But having already slogged through the heat to get there,  I had no more energy to get home, and had to wait for about half an hour before a bus came. Normally they come every 10 to 15 minutes so another sign of change.  But given that it was a lovely day, it was quite nice just to sit and wait.  Whilst up at the market I had seen a friendly neighbour, so for a moment, life felt almost normal except that normally I am not that keen on the bustle of market stalls.  How things change.

Smaller than normal but market still open!

But on the work front things seemed much bleaker. The topic was good and bad things at work, and the first student was an Italian doctor, who just declared they were terrible and she was followed by a Brazilian soldier who is training his recruits at a distance in readiness to deal with social unrest because of the virus.     In a normal year the pollution kills an excess 30 or 50 thousand of us in the UK  Terrible thought but what if less people are dying despite the now almost 10 thousand dead in the UK through the virus because there is so much less traffic about?    And what if the closure of so much business and lockdown results in more deaths, than the virus as murder, suicide, depression kicks in. It is not an easy balance. Meanwhile in Wuhan people are out of lock-down, but if the wet markets, continue does this mean more risk or was the source of the virus elsewhere?    I know China has actively helped some communities, lets hope that help comes to the people who are massively at risk in camps in places like Syria and Bangladesh. I am on a community ring round What's App group with my relatives in Kenya - every day a new prayer greets the day and I get regular enquiries after my health, which is very kind of them, but over the years the population of Kenya has been much more vulnerable the effects of disease (think of the deaths by malaria for example each year) and if the virus gets a grip there the implications will be much worse than they are here. However, judging by the harrowing and heartbreaking comments of patients or bereaved people and my Italian student things are bad enough here.

To my surprise I have had some advice re how to manage the virus from a well known expert on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  I had contacted her to see if there were moves to try and get the Government to trial treating Coronavirus patients with massive doses of Vitamin C and to my delight she replied with some useful advice.    She is an advocate for the use of Vitamin C, but also talks about things like iodine and coconut oil.     She has sent 6 chapters for me to read, so I need to absorb the information to know more. I have read her book on the Paleo diet, but really really really struggle with it. The more I am told not to eat starch the more I buy!  I think I am not alone in being my own worse enemy, so cannot tell if her treatments work as I have not fully tried them.    But if what she says is true it could make a huge different the way this virus and other conditions are handled.   Would not it be ghastly if people are dying unnecessarily and the treatment could be something fairly simple as a massive amount of Vitamin C!.  

Tomb sweeping day - virtually a write off?

Today in China is Tomb Sweeping Day  When a party is held to reconnect to the dead, except this year of course they cannot do it in situ.    So there will be virtual tomb sweeping activities, just as in a week's time there will be virtual Easter celebrations here, and the virtual Grand National was run yesterday. 

To my horror Keir Starmer has announced he will support a complete lock down if necessary - no one even allowed out to exercise.  I think I could go mad if I am not allowed out and the lack of Vitamin D could be the end loads of us oldies.  Let alone the number of murders that might take place in excess of the already ghastly norm.  I appreciate caution is important but I would be tempted to rebel if that was imposed on us.   I will sit on my pretend garden - the car parking space and refuse to go in.   At least I have a car parking space.

But today I was so dispirited whilst out walking that I actually gave up on my daily exercise - there were a couple of surgical gloves littering the pavement and three discarded masks along with loads of other rubbish spoiling this green location- why would people who think that they need protection from a virus, think it is okay to them leave their potentially infected items to sour the environment?     I give up sometimes, we are such a horrid species. 

However, I took instead to tidying the pots that have taken over my car parking space and it was so lovely to see my neighbours come in from their cycle ride, glowing with health, and stopping for a moment's chat, whilst putting the bikes away. Then my downstairs neighbour came home and said  "All right" in his normal jolly way and the neighbours two doors down pop[ed  out to put the rubbish and also said hello so joyfully, it lifted my spirits again.     We need this at this time.   Really need it.

To bed, to bed, cried sleepy head.

I have taken to my bed, whether it is the virus or my M.E I do not know as the symptoms are so similar. I keep waking in the night fearful that this is it.  However as  I have been getting worse and worse for three weeks now and even though I often feel like I have a temperature, but then when I check I have not M. E seems the more likely cause. I also think it has finally occured to me taht I am locked up and so I feel I have retreated. The ideal would be to really retreat, really dig deep and go into some great creative maelstrom and have an epiphany, but instead I am just creating too much albeit wonderful food e.g. brownies made with coconut sugar and avocado and watching loads of movies and other treats. Last night the National Theatre production of Two  Govnors, or something like that the play that launched Cordon'sAmerican career. and tonight it was the ROH's production of Acis and Galactea, which I had ushered for back in 2009.  I remembered thinking then I wasn't sure what was going on, but now I have at last seen the rest of it. Still not sure what was going on but beautifully sung and some interesting dance.  See the horrors of outside retreat until bed time.!  Two good things though  I have finished the work started in my now curtailed art group and I am genuinely pleased with it and I have structure through work and joy through the singng group I have joined online.  Strange times.