When parents and their child and their friends view things differently.

 I have one friend, who says at all costs, I should not buy my child a house - I do not have the means to do that, but because I have sold my house and downsized,  and saved I might be able to help with a down payment.  I have another friend who disregards the fact that I do not feel that I have the means to buy a whole  house for my son,  and says I should buy him a house.  I have another friend who says that helping buy a shared house might work for all concerned. I have a son, who things I am just a manipulative cow because whilst I want to try and help him I also want him to help himself The good news is he is helping himself but now the relationship between us has been so soured that he does not want help, which is fine, that is his choice, or me in his life, which is not so good.      

Thanks Di, I think you got what you wanted - you wanted to help destroy my relationship with my son, well as a result of your intervention we had a full and frank discussion where I felt not listened to and he felt not listened to and now as we will not speak to each other again we probably will not listen to each other anyway.    I appreciate you have tapped into things that in some ways needed airing, but he and I have aired these things over and over and so far have not managed to find a way to be on the same page about things - which is horrid for both of us. But now it may be that things between us really have been destroyed. 

I recently unblocked you as I think that even with people who I am so removed from as a friend as I have become with you recently,  I have to leave space for change and communication, but I trust you will understand if I say I want nothing whatsoever to do with you ever again. I do not want emails from you, I do not want your slanderous comments on my blog,  though I know you are free to do that, and I do not ever want you to contact any of my family or my wider family ever again.    I love my son,  I love him very much.  You may have just helped destroy the most important relationship in my life.     But my son should know me better, he should know and understand what I have tried doing for him in his life, but he does not.   And that has always upset me. I have always felt he did not understand or value how I was trying to guide him,  to be wise with money.  But because I love him,  of course I want to help. If you want to call that manipulation, then call it that, but I think most parents want to help their child, however, clearly in this instance my help has not been understood or appreciated.     Yet what was I suppose to do leave him destitute and on the streets?      Luckily he does not need my help at the moment, he has lots of skills and talents and will find his own way, any help I could have offered would have just been icing on the cake, but now that chance has gone.     Hopefully one day we will find a way to communicate with each other on these things but obviously not for the present, so I hope that makes you happy Di, as it makes me very very very unhappy and that is presumably what you wanted.